Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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