can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Houston, we have a squirter
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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