I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
