Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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