i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
