the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
