He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
