He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
