the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
True strength comes from lack of pants
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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