all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
