i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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