Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
