Plan B is the new Plan A
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
