so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
