dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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