Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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