what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
