girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
