and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
