How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
