what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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