That's when you crack a 10am beer
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
