dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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