i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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