I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
