Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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