4 words: hood of his car
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
