There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
