my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Found the puke drawer
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So much Jack, so little girl.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
