You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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