God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
