just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
