i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
