Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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