i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
