Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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