Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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