You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
