i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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