Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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