make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
