Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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