i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
