i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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