i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
