ugly people sure do ruin things
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I have peed in a lot of sinks
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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