Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
