I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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