How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Soap is not a condiment
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Terrible idea I love it
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
