Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We just shotgunned beers for America
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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